Last August I started my monthly injections. I started them one at a time because I was still recovering from radiation which was really hard on my body. Not just my body but my heart and mind, as well. I had a pretty rough reaction each time I had an injection. On one of those evenings I was laying on the sofa in increasing physical pain and fatigue. I had cleaned the living area in our home which is very small and would normally take me 45 minutes max. It took me two hours and I spent the rest of the afternoon sleeping. The emotions were on the back burner. I was just trying to be okay and have the first week of school be as close to normal as possible. I had a senior and a sophomore (first year of high school). It already wasn't. I had been texting a couple good friends who were trying to make plans for a girls trip with our girls. In that moment it didn't feel like I would feel good enough to go. We were thinking about a year in advance as the event we had wanted to go to that fall was cancelled. I had no idea what to say. I had cancer spreading at an alarming rate through my body. And thinking about a year down the road was more than my heart could take. The only solution I could come up with is that if we committed and if I wasn't feeling good, or heaven forbid - not here, that they would take my girls with them still. As I sent that text the emotions overwhelmed me and I got up to start dinner. Haha. Because life goes on and someone has to make dinner. Before I finished washing my hands my little sister texted and asked if I was okay. Normally I can find a way to be okay or make a joke and I feel better. It literally feels better just to have someone ask. But in that moment all I could say was "I'm not okay." She called immediately and I sat in the garage and ugly cried to her on the phone. She cried with me. I was so grateful she followed that prompting to reach out. She didn't know why. Neither did I, really. Until she called. But my Heavenly Father did. Before I did. The next day her husband sent me a thoughtful text and this video. Anyone who knows Jimmy Johnson knows how emotional he is, haha. I watched that video and cried. It was exactly what I needed. And it has continued to inspire me many days since then... It's worth the ten minutes and has lifted my spirits and reminded me of my personal power when it feels like I have lost and am losing so much. Tomorrow morning I will have my routine PET scan. I haven't had one since the miraculous one in January. And Saturday marks one year to they day that I was diagnosed with Stage VI breast cancer. Another story for another day. But today... I will laugh, I will definitely think (overthink because I'm an over achiever, haha), and I will find something to move me to tears... It will be a "heck of a day." Let's live, my friends. Not just live, but live well. Like Sid the sloth, "I choose life." Haha. I hope that each of you have a "heck of a day" as well. Love and light to you all. 🙏❤️ https://youtu.be/SHKzH6zR8xE I'm a bit slow with updating. After updating my sister she asked if I was "at peace" or just "numb" because I wasn't really emotional at all about it. I was grateful to her for putting my text description of everything into simpler form. And the truth was, I was both. And that is okay. So the PET scan itself went great. I didn't have a ton of anxiety like I usually do but that might also be because I had a brunch scheduled with Sandi afterward, haha. (But really... The BrunchHouse in Provo is fabulous!) There is always the worry as I walk out after all is said and done when I am no longer worried or focused on the prep and getting there on time. With each test the process is a little different... MRI's, CT's, bone scans, PET scans and biopsies, etc. Sometimes I panic that I'll forget which one I'm doing and forget something. For the PET scan it's fasting for six hours, but do drink water, dress warm, no exercise for 24 hours prior, low carb and high protein diet the day before, no meds unless your diabetic in which case you take them the night before and if you have anxiety/claustrophobia then you can request valium from your doctor but can't drive afterward. I do have a little but mostly try to take a nap and that after so many I'm getting good at deep breathing and zoning out, haha. the radiotracer that is injected and as much as I really don't mind blood draws or IV's now and then, having only one arm that can be used and two reliable veins that aren't very visible that have been used and abused really has now created more anxiety. Some sticks are great and others dig and after some very painful experiences and even some where I have passed out and getting poked so often I find myself going to my "safe place" more often than not. I used to be more willing for new medical staff or students to practice on me but anymore I just want it done with as little pain as possible because I know there are plenty more down the road.