Saying Good-bye

I wish I didn't fight it so badly. The truth is I take every opportunity I can to say good-bye now since Brian passed. I didn't get to say good-bye to him. I didn't get to say anything. Not even "Love you." He was up and gone before I was even completely awake. So I say it. I do. Yet still, I fight it. The anxiety builds. It's partly the desire to keep things "upbeat" and "happy." Some people request that. And that is good. But in my heart I really just want to lay down next to them, to hold them. To tell them that I love them. And cry.